A Compromising Position

October 9, 2010

Many of us live our lives by compromising. We start with high hopes and dreams and as our lives unfold those hopes and dreams begin to disappear as we compromise what we really want to do or be in order to keep others happy, through a sense of responsibility or duty,  through guilt, to keep the status quo and not to rock the boat. Each time we compromise and tell ourselves that life is not all bad, those hopes and dreams we had for ourselves fade a little more, until they have gone completely.

How many of us have stayed in relationships or jobs, because to leave would have such a far reaching effect, that the guilt that would consume us and the responsibility we believe we have for other peoples’ happiness means it is not an option. So we stay. We live with feelings of sadness, despair, resentment, frustration and depression. We are deeply unhappy. And yet, we stay and we compromise our lives further, until our life is no longer our own.

Deep inside we know. We know we would like to break free and live the life we dreamed of, we know we are worth more than we have allowed ourselves to have, we are painfully aware of all the compromises we made and as the years pass we then come to believe it is too late to change. We made our bed, now we must lie in it. It will be our death bed.

When we are betrayed by people we love and respect, we experience deep hurt and heartbreak and yet we betray ourselves every time we make a compromise in our lives, that takes us further from the life we want to lead. Is it any wonder we are unhappy? We are constantly being betrayed by ourselves.

Neale Donald Walsch states “More damage has been done to others by persons leading lives of quiet desperation (that is doing what they had to do) than ever was done by persons freely doing what they wanted.” When we are desperately unhappy, when we have compromised, who is getting the benefit of the gifts and talents we were born with to share with the world? It is why we are given these gifts, to make a difference.

He also says “Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another, is betrayal nonetheless. It is the highest betrayal.”

It is the highest because when we betray ourselves, we are destined to live that life of “quiet desperation.”

He goes on to say “If you feel trapped, decide to live your life. How much of your life are you willing to give away? How much of your life are you willing to reclaim? Once you reclaim your life, how much more do you think you will have to give others?”

When you give so much of your life in compromise, then you are unable to give others the benefit and value of your own unique true self. High betrayal indeed!

He tells us “Everything changes when you make the decision to be one of the courageous ones. Someone who chooses to make a life rather than a living, creates a shift beyond belief.”

Many of us believe we are in a position where we have no choice, that we have to stay in an unhappy situation, there is no choice. Neale Donald Walsch states “We do what we do given the circumstances in front of us to avoid or create an outcome, then we say “I had no choice.” We do have a choice and every choice and decision we make is an announcement of who we choose to be and who we think we are. Every act is an act of self definition and we always have a choice. We are Always making a choice that we  think will produce or avoid an outcome, that will assist us in defining who we really are. When we see it and frame it that way, we see life in a whole different way.” Wise words!

Are you ready to be one of the courageous ones? Will you make a life instead of a living? Will you define who you are by the choices you make? Most importantly, are you willing to stop betraying yourself at the highest level and live a life free from compromising on the life you want?

The choice is yours!

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